Timbo

The Glory of Community College

2007-02-21T19:21:25Z

I had a speaker in my World religion class today. He spoke to us about Buddhism. His first words were "I am not a Buddhist and I have never really studied Buddhism, but I have some friends who are Buddhist."

His speech about how all Buddhist people are nice and all hate money.

Hurray education.

The Sound of Silence... for real

2006-10-12T17:33:18Z

I had something funny happen. I was turning on winamp and my speakers and no music was playing, I was wondering if the song was just really low but I turned it up and there was nothing, when I looked at the song that should be playing it was "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkle. Ha.

Turns out the cable got unplugged.

The world never ceases to amaze me

2006-09-07T05:29:08Z

I haven't laughed this hard for a while: http://www.nuklearpower.com/daily.php?date=060907

and this, http://www.un.org/apps/news/story.asp?NewsID=19459&Cr=water&Cr1, seems weird to me for an unknown reason.

An Interesting Dream

2006-03-18T19:55:26Z

So I had a dream yesterday morning that I got out of bed and a friend of mine named Raj came and gave an alchoholic drink for St. Patricks day. The drink was interesting because it tasted just like apple pie in the dream. It was also one of those dreams that seem like they might be real, because the date and the tmie in the dream were about the same time that I would normally wake up. Anyway, I woke up and the idea of the drink was in the back of my head and I kept trying to think of how to mix it together. I was thinking of apple schnapps and cinnamon schnapps for the 'inside of the pie' and some sort of cream and amaretto mixture for the crust, given the slight nutty taste in the dream. Vodka goes good with almost any mixture, so I thoguht it would be a good addition.

I started looking around online and I find out that there is an actual drink called 'apple pie', that there was seven different official recipes for it and that two of the recipes combined had all of the ingredients I had imagined being in the drink. I also saw a 'flaming apple pie' that involved putting Bacardi 151 on top of it, lighting it on fire, blowing it out and taking the shot. I thought that would be a good addition and I also had the idea of mixing cinnamon-sugar together and throwing a dash of it in while the drink is aflame to give it sparks.

So I gathered all of these ingredients for my drink and mixed them. I got sour apple schnapps, cinnamon schnapps, vodka, some irish cream( the cheap imitation Baileys kind), Amaretto and Bacardi 151. The first time I tried just throwing them together, with the Bacardi 151 last to light it, I also decided on my first run to just put the cinnamon-sugar in the drink, since I didn't know how it would light and throwing it in could be dangerous. So I mixed it up, lit it on fire, blew it out and drank it. It was pretty good, except the Irish Cream started curtling and looked gross. I decided it would be best to not mix the cream in, but throw it in after the Bacardi was blown out to stop it from curtling. So I tried it a second time with the different way of mixing and it was quite delicious. I don;t knwo what to call it, but it's an aweseom drink, anyone who reads this and drinks should try it out:

Ingredients: 1 shot Apple Schnapps, 1/2 shot of Cinnamon Schnapps, 1/2 shot of Vodka, 1/2 shot of Amaretto, 1/2 shot of Irish Cream, Dash of Bacardi 151, three fungers full of cinnamon-sugar.

Mix all alchohol except Irish Cream and Bacardi together. Put Bacardi on top of the drink and light it quickly. Throw cinnamon-sugar in and let drink burn for approximately five seconds. Blow out and pour Irish Cream in. Drink quickly so Irish Cream does not curtle.

Looking back

2006-02-24T07:27:00Z

Looking at my former college and the people in it doing the things thy do, I wonder what I would be doing if I was still there. I look towards the activism and the protests and wonder. I have been very jaded to such things, as I see them amounting to very little. They empower the people doing them to do more, but I see little other good. The masses ignore them and I often find the people doing them having very unrealistic views political motivations or methods or being uneducated in the situation and simply taking the opinion that makes America look the worst or makes themselves feel like they are martyrs "fighting the good fight" against an unrelenting evil empire. Or, perhaps it is simply apathy and attempting to justify myself. Who knows?

Tonight was a good night

2006-02-02T09:16:18Z

Tonight was great. Two games of poker, some vodka and three hours of discussing why humans are selfish beings. Awwww, paradise.

This made me laugh

2006-01-14T06:55:27Z

Quote from a drunk girl hanging out with one of my roommates:

"I didn't do anything wrong in the relationship. All I did was sleep with all of those other guys."

No Exit

2005-11-04T19:31:05Z

Has anyone every read the play No Exit by Sartre? I was sitting in my office today listening to people bicker endlessly and I realised that my office is just like No Exit, there's constant turning against one another, constant people with really strange problems that they keep pent up and I have to sit their listening to it for hours upon hours every day. Just thought I'd share that with everyone.

New place

2005-07-20T16:41:27Z

To anyone who wants to know, I am moved out of my old house and my new address is 255 Barnard ave Apt 306, Asheville NC 28804. It's in the university place apartments right behind UNCA. I'm still with out a phone, but that should be fixed within the week.

Where the hell is Pragmatism?

2005-03-16T04:16:02Z

You scored as Existentialism.

Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”

--Jean-Paul Sartre

“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”

--Blaise Pascal

</td>

Existentialism

95%

Utilitarianism

80%

Nihilism

65%

Hedonism

55%

Justice (Fairness)

50%

Strong Egoism

40%

Kantianism

30%

Apathy

20%

Devine Command

What philosophy do you follow?
created with QuizFarm.com

Pascal being an existentialist... that's really debatable.

This is funny in a fucked up way

2005-02-22T20:05:39Z

So, I had a boss that got fired for sexual harassment. Actually, most of his ex-workers, including myself, got together and got him fired to be more precise. He's 46. He said he was always after college aged girls, I wouldn't think he'd go younger than that. Turns out he did.

Yesterday, he got arrested for EIGHTEEN accounts of statutory rape. Some of which were done in front of his friends. There's karma for you. Chris Bowman, I'm sure you'll get what's coming to you in prison.

Silly teenagers

2005-02-20T03:45:15Z

So I was at work today doing previews fora new movie starring Hillary Duff. A 16 year old girl, who looked like a stereotypical goth teenager, was doing the interview and as she watched the movie she said she "Definitely wouldn't see it". Her reason (after looking at her friend and a four second pause): because it starred Hillary Duff. The wierd thing is that on every part where a respondent can say good things about a movie, she said good things about this movie and at every part where she could say something bad about the movie, she said nothing. She also discussed themes of the movie. Which included daughters learning to accept their mothers, despite their obvoius flaws ( the mother in this movie is exceedingly desperate for a man which has caused the daughter to think all relationships are bullshit and causes the mother to be pyschologically abused. The mother also freely admits to her daughter that her greatest fear is being alone.), the damage that having a self loathing parent can have on children, the akwardness of blossoming relationships and seeing how children tend to follow the same patterns as their parents. By the look in her eyes as she said those words, it seemed that the themes hit home. Yet she still hated the movie because it starred Hillary Duff.

This is completely theoretical, but I believe that this girl actually wanted to see this movie. I think that she had some moral opposition against supporting Hillary Duff that caused her to be contradictory and uneasy. I think, in her mind, admitting that she would want to see a movie Hillary Duff is acting in is the same as admitting that she would be doing something immoral. In seeing herself as immoral, she denies her percieved immorality and claims to hate the movie. Her hatred wasn't based off of an outwards hatred, but an inwards deniance. Which then causes me to wonder if all hatred is in this form. Carl Jung once said "What people hate in others is what they hate in themselves". I agree with him and I think this is an example of it.

So, I want to thank this angst filled teenager and adding evidence to a theory of hatred that I agree with.

I Rock

2005-01-28T05:02:11Z

My ass is going to China!! Sometime..., not sure exactly when

2005-01-21T04:45:53Z

So yeah, to anyone who hasn't heard : I am planning on going to China for a year to teach English. I am not sure exactly when I will be leaving, but I am hoping for the end of this year or when the lease of my house ends, or possible later after that, there are still many details to straighten out. I am going with http://www.globalcrossroad.com, information for what I am going to be doing exactly is here: http://www.globalcrossroad.com/china/faq.php and http://www.globalcrossroad.com/china/teachingenglish.php and http://www.globalcrossroad.com/chinaprogramfee.php. There are no requirements except for being a fluent English speaker and having some grasp of the English language. Other things are recommended but I am hoping that I can get some of them by the time I leave.

On a different note, I think that one of the kindest things that has ever happened in my life happened to me today. I was working at Cunningham, when Bruce (a former homeless man who often reeked of alcohol) came in. We all expected him to ask again to take a survey and get a few bucks, but instead he came to talk to me. What makes this weird is that about two months earlier, I had seen him downtown and he recognized me from where I work and told me about how his mother had recently died and how he was staying at a shelter I gave him the three bucks I had on me and he thanked me and left. I didn't think anything of it. But anyway, today he came into my workplace and came to talk to me. He came and gave me five dollars to pay me back for the money I gave him. It seems that the money I gave him downtown was one of the few things that let him be happy over the rough holidays and, as he said repeatedly, "I didn't forget it." He has recently gotten a job and his own place as well, allowing him to pay me back. I am just so amazed at how a man I hardly know went out of his way to come find me at my job and pay me back money that I gave to him as charity and completely forgot about completely out of his own desire. Bruce, you're a good man. I don't care what my co-workers think, you're a good man. Thank you.

I Heart Huckabess

2004-11-18T22:19:30Z

Greatest fucking movie I have ever seen.

http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/movies/article/0,1299,DRMN_23_3254974,00.html#poll54808

That guy didn't get it.

http://variagate.com/huckabee.htm?RT

This guy needs to find ourt what a philosophical farce would be. Ad he needs to understand the inherant irony and absurdity of Existentialism.

http://entertainment.sympatico.msn.ca/Movies/Reviews/Articles/I+Heart+Huckabees.htm

Makes little sense? Maybe makes too much sense is what you meant to say.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/click/movie-1136990/reviews.php?critic=columns&sortby=default&page=1&rid=1326895

She doesn't get it either ands she is a bitch. Furious, hateful and angry? Looks towards people in philosophy, you find that being most of them. Especially in a philosophy that deals with the idea that there's nothing but we still do things anyway, so with do things for no reason. Doing something for no reason often makes peopel angry. Sounds like good character development to me.

OK, I think the part most of thses critics are missing in this film is tha part with the mud and the sex. None of them get this scene, but the scene is pure genius. It's directed to the idea they are showing with the the ball being smacked into people's faces. It goes with an idea of intense emotion, such as pleasure or pain, distracts your perception and causes the mind to not be aware of it's own thoughts momentarily. They are pushing eachother into the mud to cause intense disatisfaction towards one another, to cause them to not think for that point, to cause them to feel more at one and have more understanding, which is what they are persuing.

Critics also miss the point of existentialism making sense. Existentialism is basically going off of the idea that noting meakes sense, but that makes the most sense of anything else in the world. The absurd is what makes reasonable sense, it won't cause you to stop questioning, but it will cause continual questioning.

This person is the dumbest of all the critics I read though

"Funny moments for sure, but it's a feeble attempt to convey a weakly grasped Tibetan Buddhist philosophy thru wacky comedy".

Exiistentialism isn't Tibetan Buddhist philosophy. They share some similariaties, but the differences are immeasurable.

In conclusion, I heart Huckabess is the shit. Critics who don't get it shoudl see it again and think about as they watch it.

The evils that men do

2004-10-25T17:58:54Z

First off, why is the pensive face smiling? It's sad thoughtfulness, not happy. Stupid smilies.

I don't get it sometimes. I don't understand why people do the actions that they do and I don't think I ever will. You see somebody everyday for three months, talk to them a good amount and you think you get a pretty good idea of who this person is. That's until they get alchohol in them.

Apparently, it'll turn a nice guy with some slight anger issues into a guy that that pulls the pants off of a drunken girl on the middle of the living room floor with fifteen people in it. At least that's one story. The other's that he was just trying to dance with her and was groping her. The second isn't as bad considering the effects massive amounts of alchohol have on people's sexual desires. He was too drunk to know that her overly flirtatious attitude was just flirting and nothing else, she was way too drunk too kno that she shouldn't be teasing people who aren't in a stable mind. The wierd part of every story I have heard about it: nobody ever said that she wasn't for it or if she was for it. Which would make the second seem more viable, considering I was trying to go to sleep at the time when all of this was happening and it wasn't loud enough to make me notice anything. I would assume somebody getting their pants forcibly taken off would scream; there was no screaming. Logically, I am inclined to take the second story. But, my gut goes towards the first. I do not know why.

Regardless of which is true, what happened afterwards troubles me somewhat. Apparently another of the party people was trying to hook up with the girl, he was getting incredibly upset and he was acting like he was going to fight Luther. This caused some problems among the guests that ended with Luther being asked to leave the house, he went outside ,along with Orbach and Allen, for a cigarette. He refused to leave. Apparently, Orbach said he could stay outside on the front porch. Orbach said he could not come back in though, Orbach then locked the doors of the house. After about twenty minutes or so, (I don't have a good measurement of the time, but that's what I can guess) he started banging on doors. Allen and Orbach went and decided to take him to leave the house, he was convinced to get in Orbach's car and was going to be taken home. In the car, he said something about not having any place to go. Eventually, Orbach and Allen decided to drop him off downtown, they let him have a coat and left.

The next day he didn't come into work. I had heard about what happened the day before that morning and was a bit sketched out at the whole thing, as I had only heard story one. He called up at seom point and siad he was somewhere out of town adn had no clue where he was or how he got there. My supervisor wasn't happy and showed little pity, as Luther wasn't the greatest of workers. He got work done, but it was almost always sloppy, which makes her have to work a lot more in keeping him in line. Having a bad story for him not coming into to work, she called up the manager and he said to fire him. It is unknown if that has happened or not, but it is highly probable.

Luther's a nice guy, but he definitely had a troubled past, which is what I think makes me towards the first. I know at some point in time he did heavy drugs, I also know he used to sell drugs, I also know he was wanted by the police for something and was never caught. The status of his drugs problems now is unknown. He has said he doesn't sell or do any, but it was said in a way that sounded somewhat nervous and a bit hard to believe. The nervousness could have been because of a bad memory the idea brings up, or from a lie. Add to this the fact he said he wasn't going to drink that night. It's possible he had the intention not to, but not the will power. But, Luther seemed to be trying to turn his life around. He talked about wanting to go to college and get an Associates in auto repair or something(I don't remember what exactly it was, but it was car related.) He was getting his own place, and although he might not have been teh best at what he did, he tried really hard to do it.

He has some troubles at his home, or what I think was his home. He lived with this grandmother and Uncle, his uncle sounds like an asshole from the descriptions I have heard (His Uncle through a load of his laundry out of their running car's window because he and Luther were arguing). It is possible that him having nowhere to go, is from him arguing with his uncle and being kicked out of his house. He left his coat at the house and from the pockets of it, it looked possible that he had no house at the time.

I think it's the troubled past that makes me hesitant to rule out the first story. People with harder lives learn to react to things in harsher manners and many things that other people would not do, they wouldn't feel bad in. There may be slight inhibitions, but not as much as in people who have easier lives. Luther definately had a hard life, especially if he was just kicked out of his Grandmother's house. It's not out of the question that a very drunk Luther would try to relieve some tension and stress by having sex. Add the alchohol to that and I could see an inhibition being removed and a horrible sense of logic taking over.

But, I trust Luther. He hasn't done anything to lose my trust unless he did do story one. I have loaned him money and he has always paid me back (up to $75, much of which he took out from the ATM on his own after I gave him my PIN. I know he removed the correct amount because he brought me the receipt) and he's been a nice guy to me. Plus, during drunk talk, he talked about how much he likes me as a friend and thanked me for inviting him to the party and all. Most of the people at the party I knew well liked him (Until the strange event happened), so it's not just me.

Regardless of whether or not he did what he might have done or not, I still feel guilty for putting him in the situation and possibly causing a person with no money and possibly no home, to be fired from his job from the situation he was put in. I also feel that if I had not been going to sleep, I could have talked to him and clmed things down between the people, because I know them both and both respect me. I could have stopped it, I should have thought it out more, but I didn't.

This was bugging me a lot all of yesterday, when Isaac sits down next to me on the couch, gets really quiet for a while and then tells me that Kyle's brother was stabbed to death. I don't know much more about that, except that it happened in Florida, Kyle's not doing well, Kyle's going to be in Florida for a few days, apparently Kyle's brother died trying to stop two guys from fighting at a club, and that the whole thing is fucked up. I only met Kyle's brother once; he was an incredibly nice person. It's just fucked up. That's all I can think to say about it.

It does seem to come all at once doesn't it? It'd be too easy if it were otherwise. So worthless, so stupid. I really don't feel like going to class right now, but I've missed too much already.

Can somebody be that dumb?

2004-08-16T06:39:22Z

Sometimes, I just wonder what the hell people are thinking. People will just do things you would never expect them to do and not really give a damn or at least not even pretend to give a damn. It's ok if it's just affecting them, but there is so much surrounding it and so many others it affects as well and still nothing. Other times it's worse than nothing. I don't believe in evil or that people are heartless or that anybody is worth giving up on, but sometimes I really feel that some people are just being stupid ass pieces of shit and should know better than what they are doing. I hate seeing it, I hate seeing it affect me and dammit, it's so dumb sometimes. I really expect better from some people, I guess I am wrong. I believe in always forgiving, after all people make mistakes, they shouldn't be judged to harshly for it, but to do the same one over and over again, that's just idiotic.

People will only talk to you when they trust you, I really wonder what you need to build some people's trust.

Edit: I think I overreacted a little here.

Love and other stuff through Tim's eyes

2004-08-11T01:02:19Z

Not having the internet for a while sucks if you are trying to keep in touch with people, it's good if you need time to yourself to thinks tings out. I have been by myself most of this Summer, it's been good o help me tink things out but it hasn't geoten everything gone. I finally said somethings that should have been said a long time ago, got verified somethings that had been bugging me and for the most part, feel more in sync with my normal rythm of life.

I learned a good amount about loveover thees past months, and I think I got a good understanding of it. A thing I had always wondered about is why certain people love certain things or people or ideas. I think the truth of the matter is that we just do. I think if you try to look for areason why a person loves someone or something, you're no longer looking at waht is being loved. If you only love a person for their beauty, then you don't really love them. You love the beauty. I think this easy concept clarifies many things in life. Take for example, unrequited love. Almost everytime the person who is not loved tries to explain to the other why they should love them, or the unloved person tries to give them something for their love. Buying a person's love is little more than prostitution, it's not real love because it is only one way and it the other party's part is more done out of gratitude or feeling that they have to give something in return. i don't think that is love at all. The other example of trying to tell a person why they should love you is almost as absurd. If a person loves you for reasons the give you, they aren't loving you, they are loving the reasons. If you tell a person they should love you because you can provide for them or make them happy, then the moment those are gone, they will no longer love you. All they loved was a temporary thing you could give them, or they love who they think you are and not you. People often fill themsleves with self-deception and false hope. To expect a word or object to defien person is insane, you deny who that person is and are only looking at them in the present light. Who knows how that person will change or who they will become, if you only loved them for that short while, then you were mistaken in your love for them.

I think that the pain from a broken love isn't pain from a broken love at all, it's pain of realizing how much you had decieved yourself and of how little you really know. We can tell ourselves that so-and-so would never do this or that so-and-so is this type of person, but different situations cause people to do different things and cause them to become different people. I think the biggest misconception is that a person is a certain way and can't be otherwise. Think back to seven years ago. Think of how much has changed and how much you have changed from that point. I don't even think it's possible to say that you were the same person you were back then. I think this chane in people isn't considered many times when love is said to be hd, and it's probably the most important part for a true love to be there. A true love would still love the person seven years ago as the same as they love them now. The change of personality and emotions shouldn't change the love. If it does, then you loved an aspect of the person, not the person. A real love would love this person regardless of the change. It would love the person for being the person that they are, chaoticness and all. A person is a mass of change, not something constant. You love the constantness of change of the prson, which is about as close to define what a person is as I can think. Constant change = humans.

Now a couple of things that I think are important to be said but I think these conclsuions can be come to based upon what was said before. I think if you try to make some one become something, you don't really love them. You love what you think they are and try to make them something you love. Another I think I think really doesn't matter when it comes to love. It doesn't matter how good of a person you are, just bwecause you are a good person doesn't mean people or a person will love you more. Evil people are loved just as much as heroes, love is beyond those terms. This can cause alot of problems though, because people think love iss in the same terms of good and evil. People will think that you love something that is 'good' and if it blatantly comes to a point where the loved person is 'bad', they don't underastand how they can do that. Parents love children that become drug dealers, commit statutory(?) rape, assault, theft and other crimes, if love was still in the same area as good and evil, this wouldn't work out at all.

So on a completely different note, I think Ihave finally learned how top put up with hypocricy. I think it's one of the funniest things imaginable. Just look at alchohol. I can't even think of the number of people I know who have said that they would stop drinking because they think it's bad for them or such. Then next time it comes up, there they are drinking. Perhaps it's a subconscious affect of peer pressure or some mob mentality.

It's amazing the difference the way people act by themselves and how people act in a group. I see people talking about how terrible something is and how they regret doping it, but this is in a one-on-one situation. Get lots of people and get them saying how it's great, and these same people will change to loving it. People are funny that way.

I saw my own justification for doing such things, it's a mixture of honor and overestimating my own abilities. I'd be bymyself and start thinking soemthing wa dumb, then I would say to myself "Hell, I said I would do it" so it started questioning my own beliefs, then add in my ability to put myself into a gung-ho spirit when I finally do start doing it and you get me in a wierd state of doing something dumb that I don't want to do but saying to myself that it won't affect me because I can make myself overcome it. Sometimes I could, sometimes I couldn't. Perhaps other are doing this same thing, I think it's likely. I can think of a few people at the moment who do somethig they aren't sure if they wnt to do, then act in an ovely responsible manner to the point of being just fristrated with themselves until they go back to the original position and repeat. It's the Hegelian spiral. Back to the same spot but having a little more knowledge of whty you're there constantly circling looking for a center. Silly humans, we'll look at the same thing but think it is something different bnecause wethink we know more about it know then we did before. Knowing that new information doesn't change anyting. This'll sound Pragmatic, but what the hell is the point of the new knowledge doesn't change anything. We do it anyway though. Silly humans, chaoticly ironic creatures.

Irony is funny though, so humans are funny. Oh yeah, if anyone reading this thinks that it sounds like I had you in mind while I was writing it, I probably did. Oohhh... just messed with your heads.

What is going on in Tim's head? He can't tell and he doubts you will either

2004-05-05T07:52:26Z

Dreams die hard. They cling on defining all rationale or understanding, they know they will never come to be yet they still struggle to live. Silly dreams, why deny the inevitable? Why deny the misunderstanding and absurdy? One person is powerless against the world. Things have to want to change to change, and it's impossible to to make something want what it doesn't want.

To struggle or to give in and accept? That's the question. To give in to things you see as absurd and idiotic because you have to or feel that it's just another step for an inevitably dieing dream. Or to fight a meaningless losing battle. It's been said that the only causes worth fighting for are lost causes. Romantic dreams or words of wisdom? I can't tell anymore. Do I even care that I can't tell? I can't tell that either. I think that's the worst part.

I can't tell what's going on anymore, I can't tell if ideas nad feelings that were there actually were or if I just want to belive they were. I can't tell if it'd be better to find out or not, or if it's possible to find out. I can't tell waht I think of myself anymore, I can't tell what others think about me. From some I get that i am one of the greatest peopel ever and some sot of hero, from others I get that I am idealistic slacker. Both interpreting my actions one way or another, both kind of seeing what they want to see, both not seeing the whole thing and my own lack of ability to discern some sort of answer from everything. Knowing I am not as good as some make me out to be and that I am better than others do, not knowing how to get this across. Not knowing if I should ven care about it. Not knowing if I even do care about it. I feel so distant from myself. The distance from the self seems to be becoming the self. What a funny idea. Distant from yourself, how's that even possible? But it just seems so right.

I think I need to go read Hamlet. Maybe that will help, maybe it won't.

To get this to more people

2004-04-09T15:25:08Z

http://www.petitiononline.com/details4/

Sign this petition people. It's in response to the really racist and anti-gay article made in "Details" magazine, that can be seen here http://www.koarecords.com/details_asian.jpg.

I'll help spread the word Jason.

Somewhat at a loss

2004-04-09T04:50:01Z

I really wish I knew what to do. One part of me sees a possiblility and sees that it might be unneeded and causing of further grief through smothering, I wonder if the other possibility will come off as uncaring. Sometimes I wonder if being there just makes things more complicated or if it helps, I can't really tell right now, too much points both ways. My God, clarification would be a good thing, but to get it I wonder if it would add more of a hassle. Satisfy my confusion or live in indecision from the risk of furher complication? Damn choices.

Life by Timbo

2004-04-07T06:08:44Z

I've been working on an entry for a while now, but every time I start typing it, it starts coming out in a way I don't want it to. So here goes another attempt at the request of one of my favorite people.

Too much has been going on through my head lately and too much indecision. I've always had a sense of being lost in the back of my mind, whether it is shown or not I have a hard time telling. Some people see it easily, others never do. It's hard to see how you are seen sometimes, hard to know if the reason you do things is seen for the reason you do them or for some other reason that is the exact opposite. Lately, this has been going through my head alot. You know when you are joking and when you are sincere, sometimes it's hard to tell if others do.

I've been feeling really distant from everyone, save a few people. This usually leads to me feeling slightly depressed, which causes me to get self critical and make it worse from my own over-reaction. What's weird this time is I feel more distant than ever, but there's none of me being self critical or depressed, I am content with it. I really feel as if I could just go out on my own anywhere I wished and that I could be fine with it. The only problem is where to go or to go at all.

So many of my actions have been a constant struggle between seeing the world as it is and seeing the world as it should be, a battle that can't be stopped or won. Lately, I have just kind of accepted it. People are going to be asses, people are not going to listen, people are going to be hypocrites, you can give them all the reason in the world that they are wrong, or contradictory or that they aren't listening, but ultimately it's their choice to do anything. People have been this way since the dawn of humanity, nothing I can do will change this. I'm not arrogant enough to think that I am that good. It's a sad revelation though. I wonder how far I will go in just accepting this world. Will I get to the point of not caring when I see pain in other's eyes, will I get to the point where another death is just another day? I hope not.

Why all the drastict change? Events in my life and those around me have really made me reassess everything, mainly because of the unpredictability of the events. I have always had a brief idea of what is going on or how or why something happened, I have never really been in a situation where I can't think of anything at all for why it happend or been able to look at it from a different angle and see both sides being slightly wrong and it really just being a conflicting point of views. I had never been in a situation where I couldn't see some form of a bright side. The past couple of months have shown me that those situations happen sometimes. Sometimes people will do tings that are blatantly wrong or cruel anyway you look at it. I really don't understand this. Anyway I look at it, I cant. It's an interesting feeling. I do know that from these occurences, there is a right way to act from them. When there is something bad no matter how you look at it, you ahve to do good no matter how you look at it. I'm not good enoguh of a philospher to say what 'good' is, but I think we all already know in a way. We see actions as good and we try to understand them, but I don't think they can be understood, they just are. It's kind of the same way with knowing you have done the right thing to do. You can't say I know because of this or this or this, you just know. That's really all there is to it.

Add to this that I came up to a point to where I know I did everything right in a situation and it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to (most of the time I will screw up some aspect, even if it is the smallest thing, blame it for the reason things didn't work out and get really self critical and tell myself never to make the same mistake) and all I could do is accept it. There's no flaw in what I did or what happened, it turned out how I planned it to turn out and wanted it to turn out, a few unexpected aspects, but the main plans and goals were done. Whether my actions were understood as this or not is up to be seen, but I know it and that's all that really matters. I could be mad, but what would I be mad at? I can't think of a thing.

So what have I learned in the past two months? Somethings just happen. Sometimes they suck, sometimes they are great. Sometimes everything in the world will say this should happen, but it doesn't. How vain are we to think that humans, the world and existence are governed by rules that we make? How do you react to completely unexplainable events? You just do what you can do and what is the best for you to do. How far is enough, you know when there's nothing else you can do and when there is. Sometimes it would be nice if you could do more, but some of us can't. We all have our limitations, whether we know them or not, we do. Quite a wierd thing coming from me.

Life will screw you over sometimes, life will be blissful and great at others, all we can do is live it, we'll never be able to explain it or understand it. But that's not a bad thing, it just is.

There are a few oter things I would like to say, but I am not sure if I should. It's been another thought running through my head lately. Damn, choice is a powerful thing.

So this sucks

2004-03-09T23:42:13Z

You know what sucks? Having your car break down 300 miles from home. And maybe not being able to get to the new job you have. Yeah... those suck.

Come on people, lets take it to the streets

2004-02-25T15:48:21Z

Read this fellow college students and think about it seriously. It's time to do something and not sit back as the world around us goes to hell. Apathy is atrocity! Viva la revolution!

A Call to Action

If you are reading this message, it is because your friends and peers have called on you to stand up and help them take back this country's democracy. Keep reading. A few minutes of your time is all they're asking; a few minutes to help change the world.

A generation ago, this country went through a time of great crisis. The turbulent years of the 60's and 70's were a period of unparalleled social change, of progression towards equality and justice, but that change did not come easily. The nation was divided by ethnic and political strife; it was wracked by the burden of a war overseas and paralyzed with fear at home. The very foundations of our democracy were threatened. During these times it was the students who came forward and took the lead in the battle for peace, freedom, and social justice. And they were victorious.

Once again our nation has entered a period of great peril. The enemy, as you have probably heard, is terror; at any rate, that is what all of our problems are being blamed on. And in a way, the government war hawks and media yes-men are exactly right - our deadliest enemy is terror. But terror is not an old man with a turban sitting in some cave plotting our doom; terror is not some second-rate dictator living in a hole - terror is when the government has the power to blacklist and monitor citizens guilty of peacefully exercising their civil liberties; terror is when law enforcement officials can enter your house any time they want, without warrant or reason; terror is when the government can drop bombs half-way around the world under false and fabricated pretexts and remain unquestioned; terror is ten thousand dead civilians in Iraq and counting. Terror is when the people are made silent.

We, the present generation of students in this country, have gone silent long enough. It is time to speak out for what we believe in and to make our demands heard! Do any of us really want to live in the world George W. Bush is giving us? We think it is time to let him know our answer. An organized and active student population is a force to be reckoned with - an organized and active student population that is perpetually connected to the Internet is the fascist's worst nightmare. This message is to let you know that you are not powerless, that change is still possible, and that it is not too late to make yourself heard! It is time to bring democracy back to the quad - and that is why the Students for Democracy and Peace are issuing a call to action: on Friday the 19th of March we are organizing a nation-wide student strike of classes and a day of non-violent demonstration to commemorate the one-year anniversary of the War in Iraq. We encourage all students who participate in the 19th of March events to attend protests on the 20th as well. We do not intend to detract from the international protests set for the 20th; rather, we intend to show that the student body is active in it's discontent with the War in Iraq and the state of the union. It is time to let the political establishment know that we, the students, will no longer be ignored.

Visit us online (http://sdp.webhop.net) for more information about what you can do to help. Tell your friends, tell your professors, tell your fellow students, but most importantly, forward this message to everyone you know; and ask them, in turn, to do the same. The will to act, the desire for change, lies within every concerned student - but the success of this movement depends on organized and effective communication. The means for change are at our disposal. You are already connected to the Internet if you are reading this - now use it.

The time to act is now!

War is not Peace! Freedom is not Slavery! Ignorance is not Strength!
But Apathy is Atrocity!

Spread the word.

Students for Democracy and Peace
http://sdp.webhop.net/Action/emailaction.htm

And this too...

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I don't know about the rabbit part or being one of the best people of all time, but the first part fits.

Haven't done one of these in a while

2004-02-24T16:35:18Z

Heart of Crystal

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

This was a wierd quiz. Too many answers seemed to fit.